theres this music club id started to work for a yr an a half ago,me and my crew were organising their basement assisting w setup an cleanup,promoted for the opera house their once. my current director had an office there until thy kicked her out in the middle of doing major recertifcation, i moved her to what is now next door to ))).so one show i was socially attacked 3 xs by a bigot from bouvaire, anouther business downtown theyhave tax payers pay to remove asbestos from churches thet they sell for a profit and steal stainglass from an build bars out of pulpits. so anyway, that day we had removed an industrial freezer from the basement of the club so debs son could move in. my helper at the time was an old foggy w a penchant for music,so we stayed for the performance that evening. everything was fine for a minute, i lowered my guard and started to have fun,that was my mistake. it started when i went to the bathroom. apon exit i was laughed at by a group of girls going to go smoke on the back patio. when they came back thru someone had switched bathroom designations on the doors, it became a club joke,not that everyone knew it was directed towards me,but everyone knew. whatever strike 1. i went to smoke out front as i knew exactly what it ment, coming back in the bigot who was attacking me had taken my chair,ignored taps on the shoulder and efforts to get my purse,talking to everyone i was,ignoring me on purpose. whatever strike 2. i sat in the back trying to ignore it. until she came up and stood above me deliberately until i had to ask “can i help you?” her response was a circular motion with her index finger around my face saying “i just want you to know how i feel about everything” befor dancing away like a total bitch. so i went to deb who runs the club,seeking a proper grievance route.my “employer” who watched everything go down as she was nodding her head like” i now what your about to say” befor i even said it. she suggested i “sit in the back and ignore it.” which i already had. so i left ,told my help were leavn in the middle of a set and went “home”.i walked out knowing at that moment i would never be back. if it happened inside it would continue to happen in the parking lot, i was unprotected ,it was unsafe for me to be there for obvious lack of protection.it tripped my ptsd an developed a dangerous suicidal hole, the only way out of which is to turn pain, humiliation,dispair, into anger, a tool usefull in doing something about it. i held them accountable.calling out everyone who was there,the bands,everyone till i found the, aredneck ultra conservative i have a mental block against her name for some reason but its waldens neice. a friend who hates me now one etha walters could attest to their rampant transphobia as she worked with them at the time,one of the reasons she left. by then i had realized its not just the bigot but the establishment who made it socially acceptable behavior on the bigots part by allowing it. weve talked trying to reconcile; but don lies out of self defence trying to deminish what happened as “my afront to a simple slight of hand”,or that it never happened at all an that i imagined it, or that i was just somone walking in off the street w a chip on my shoulder, all depends on what lie hes telling. and deb dismisses her inactions out of ignorance perhaps, yet at one point in time called me “just a transvestite whatever”. to this day refusing my compromise of including gender identity as a protected class in her clubs non discrimination clause, so that this would never happen to anouther person,regardless if i ever returned. this is wher some of the music scene here hangs out.a scene in which i do the grounds for events in which they play. a downtown community to which i have sacrificed my self physically,financially,and mentally assisting with its downtown revitalization efforts.a second social annexation. i always knew noone cared but now i know they dont. so this “community” ive devoted myself, are apathetic to my plight for civil rights.they condone and allow the clubs inaction, as apathetic bystanders, by frequenting the discriminatory establishment,promoting it, working with it.as if they had done nothing wrong, sure i had a fe w condolences “im so sorry that happened but forget them”. i was left to unfollow an unfriend any contact that does so in an attempt to distance myself from this traumatic event that replayed everytime i would see a supportive post for them ,or drive by during one of their exclusionary events. i dont even follow the organisations i work with, havent heard from the bash or DMI in a yr promotional wise, not that i dont still work with them. the opera house i bleed for eventually made a “safe decision” and distanced themselves from me in favor of my enemies who they assumed were the most finacialy equitable. turned out to be bad decision,i was that representative of the place being for everyone,the community. by getting in with bouvaire the community realised it was no such thing as bouvaire bought up all the best seats during a fundraiser.im at peace with that, i played my part,the building saved my life an i hers, were even. ther was anouther instance drectly connected. so linda mormon who employs the bigot that attacked me that night,w jamie murphy, and deb rumsfeld had seated themselves on a DMI board overseeing events, one in which id helped the prior yrs, a female focused event, wine women and chocolate. i was invited to a meeting my a chair who couldnt make the next meeting . everything was fine,until i learned they planned to have it start and finish at the bigoted music club. a club their community volunteer cant enter,or wont. of course i said, “i think it should be held somewhere with a fully inclusive non discrimination policy.” only to be glanced at by deb an told “you are anon issue”. my reaction to that ,telling her to fuck off in so many nice ways,was apperntly worthy of an attempted restraining order, a calculated and suggested attempt by don linda jamie n deb to push me out of town. by the way it was dismissed,i successfully defended myself against their attack, cross examining an enemy is an odd experience… always denied other routes and opportunities that should be ther if it wasnt for the constant discrimination and lack of adequate grievance routes and protections leaving me valnerable in all areas of society, areas that the cis gendered world take for granted. employment, medical, housing, hatecrime..i never had a chance.no matter how awesome or nice or badass i am, ill never be successful in this atmosphere of social oppression ,at a standstill ,i need to learn lights an sound but tritech “light and sound” is run by an old discriminatory man named hutton (i have recently found a friend whos letting me learn thru movie nights :). i need basic employment instead of always wingn it tryn to make a dollar and barely surviven’ in a non profit volunteer realm ill never afford neccesary surgery or be able to pay a monthly bill.some religious fanatics around here flatout refuse to even work with me like the “community” gardens or the fine arts institute (where we parted ways over yet another fucking bathroom issue where i had to tell nina wher to shoved her godamned bible). left indigent only barely able to pay a couple bills,no quality of life thanks to lack of social protections and this misunderstood birth defect that beyond its horrifying masculinising effects keeps me from ever having human interaction, im not whole,im not able to love myself, never will i be able to receive a potential boyfriend. ive got a fear of people based on recurring instances like those youll find spotted through out my writings. counseligs a joke,im on anxiety meds. they cant help with any of the medical care thats prescribed. i think business is whats wrong with the world as its al about getting the most out of somone for the least amount of effort, no cap on money earned.,an forced to try an become legit to get anywher. one step forward 2 steps back. denied technical skill in the same breath as routes an employment,my only hope for removal from this labor intensive predominantly male realm,is school.i need to stop building muscle,it only exasperates my bodily disphoria and i build muscle everytime i do something for this “community” that doesnt care if i exist.i need to have enough self esteem to care about being healthy in the face of suicidal ideation. friends that should be ther and care if im not .police hunt us,under threat of cruel and inhumane treatment if we dont pay that quota driven “fine”. im lost and afraid of a world i have no place in. anything can be done to those whos numbers dont count. thats what this is all about in case you heard “somone elses” side.